Ambiguity

I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should’ve been more specific.

If we’re made of the same skin and bones as everybody else, what is it that really makes us different? 

It’s a question that haunted every empty second of my life, for as long as I can remember. It’s something that I ponder over and something I get frustrated over. If we’re all going to end up as dust, returned to the Earth, sounding the melodies it sounds, where do our symphonies stand? Interred with our bones? Dead, like the wood of our coffins?

All I know is that I can’t be a pile of organic waste in some catacombs. All I know is that whatever it is that makes us different, I want it. I want to make a difference. I want to be remembered. I want to wrest something out of my life that is worth remembering.

And what if I lose my soul in the process? It worries me that despite the price, I’m willing to do it. Bukowski comes to aid, “If you’re losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose.” I cling onto it like my last straw and hope against hope that Bukowski is right, and he meant what he wrote rather than just stringing words together to play upon the fears of those who read them, inevitably remembering him.

So what does set us apart? Albus Dumbledore offers an answer -“It is our choices that make us who we are, Harry, far more than our abilities.” 

And logic interferes.

How many seafarers were chosen to explore fresh sea routes? How many discovered the New World, and hence how many are remembered? One.

How many men entered Alladin’s cave and touched the gold, only to die before they ever got to the lamp? How many people is that cave now named after?

Humans have a memory capacity, and making it there means setting yourself apart from 98 billion humans who have ever lived on Earth. I want to be a somebody in this numerical, but I need to be more specific.

Specific

57 thoughts on “Ambiguity”

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  5. That’s definitely a question that everyone has thought about at least once. I am a firm believer in staying true to yourself and focusing on your strengths. Even if you don’t make it to all out fame and familiarity, you can still accomplish your goals and set yourself apart. Someone will remember you, so why not make the memories count.
    -Luna

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  8. Came from the community pool! I’ve read through a few of your posts and this is my favourite. It’s so well written and very relatable. I’ve never heard of he quote about the soul but it will definitely be one I write down! Also loved the one from Harry Potter 🙂 xx

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  9. This couldn’t get any closer to home for me. I can’t tell you how many times the idea of wanting to be more than average has been on my mind. This is beautifully articulated in your post!

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  11. Apart from your appearance, and as you say your choices that make us different, it is also our personalities, ouor hopes, dreams and fears. Everything that makes us us whilst it is the same, it is different.

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      1. They do overlap but at different levels (percentages) and at different points, lets say 2 people have 3 hopes, 3 dreams and 3 fears (I know life doesnt work that way), they could even have the same types of hopes, dreams or fears but because they are at varying levels that makes them unique. Just in a similar way most of us look the same, face, ears, nose etc but we look different… The same, yet different, hencec unique… Unless your identical twins of course 🙂

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              1. People I know. There is no reason or need really for strangers to remember me. Depends how I “go” it depends, if it is an accident some may remember that, fleetingly at least, everything is so rush rush rush these days that most things seems to get pushed out of the concious mind quickly.

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                    2. 🙂 it would be nice. There are moments now when someone from my past will drop into front of mind or even people that used to maybe follow me on this blog, or others that I have had and I wonder about them, maybe what they are doing now, what they look like, do I ever cross their mind etc. Although that is not the same as legacy… Is it? OK it may have a sinew of connection, but not fully.

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                    3. You’ve got a point. Fleeting remembrance isn’t legacy. But isn’t it also possible that whatever work you do is chanced upon by someone years after your death? What you leave behind is your legacy… even if fewer people, and unknown people, choose to see it.

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                    4. You also have a point. The only place I really write anything (of (maybe) value) anywhere is here on WordPress. My facebook page acts as an address book for people I know who probably would not recognise my words here.

                      I suppose my instagram could fall under that category but there is nothing special there really, sure some of the images are interesting maybe but no real different to the hundreds of thousands of other such accounts.

                      In both instagram and wordpress example we rely on those services being available in years to come, should they die then so shall the written menories and thoughts of many many people.

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                    5. Well, yes. I agree about Facebook just about being redundant… and instagram, mostly, as well. WordPress however I can disagree on, but I’ll leave that for some other day.
                      What I mean is, your work. Your life. What you do outside of the Internet, chanced upon as a lasting something by someone else, someone who’s too many degrees of relationships away from you to have recognised you in person.

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                    6. Oh I see, outside of this virtual world. Then there is nothing of note up until this point in time. Immediate family even oon go back to that thing called ‘life’ soon after someone passing and you are pushed to the subconcious only to be remembered every now and then.

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                    8. No but a legacy, in the way I am thinking about it is having a legacy to be remembered by, a legacy of example for people (mainly those that know me i guess) to follow by. I even took a little look on the net as I was unsure how to explain myself.

                      It said “A legacy is something that a person leaves behind to be remembered by. Legacies are pathways that guide people in decisions with what to do or not to do”

                      So in that way I see no legacy for me in taht sense of it, the best I can hope for is that I am remembered, hopefully fondly (but even there I have my doubts) by the people whom I am closest too.

                      As an aside I am enjoying this, it’s been some time since I’ve had flowing conversation on wordpress.

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                    9. Ah, now you make your meaning clear.
                      Well, I don’t know how old your are or where you are in life at the moment, but perhaps in the future, even unknowingly, you may leave a protocol that people follow when they want to make a decision. Perhaps this will occur only posthumously, without even your knowledge.
                      For some reason, I am of the belief that everyone leaves a legacy. It may not last forever, or in the minds of everyone, but everyone does.
                      And following your aside, YES. It’s been so long since a conversation on this medium and it’s genuinely so satisfying to have this. Thank you for that.

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                    10. yes I am in agreement, everyone leaves a legacy of sorts. I think we were thinking of slightly different examples.

                      Well have to think of something else to speak about now 🙂

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  12. Hi Maitrey,
    Thank you so much for following my blog Reflections. Unfortunately, I haven’t blogged at Reflections in almost two years. I would love it if you followed me over to my current blog MostlyBlogging.com. I have over 600 articles and blogging events you will find at that site. I was excited to get the notice! I’m eagerly waiting for you over at MostlyBlogging.com.
    Janice

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  14. Got news for you MM. Or should I say ‘Ozymandias’?

    You’re gonna die alright. And be forgotten. And Aladdin will be forgotten. And Harry Potter and J K Rowling will be forgotten. And Jesus and Confucius and the Buddha. Even Elvis.

    Yeah, Dumbledore’s right. Your choices make you who you are. And the effects of those choices will resonate forever. But no-one will know what they were or who made them.

    Bert0001’s right too. You’re the sum of your experiences. And the experiences of others that led to them. And the ones before that. Back through your parents, grandparents, pre-human ancestors, primeval slime, right back to the Big Bang.

    Imagining you’re something separate from the universe that can somehow assert itself against it is a mug’s game. The universe makes you. You make the universe. You can’t tag it any more than ink can stain itself.

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    1. Thank you for the comment, Cabrogal, I’ve seen you’ve given thought into this.
      Ozymandias as a title, although nicely thought, is hardly appropriate. The article raises the QUESTION of whether we can be separate from the universe, it raises the QUESTION of self-identity and whether it can ever be unique enough to last, it raises the QUESTION whether even being like Ozymandias, i.e. despicable, can make a difference in whether you’re remembered.

      I realise that I’m going to die and going to be forgotten, but I was wondering if there’s a trick with the latter of the two events, as some people are evidently forgotten later than others. From a scientific point of view, try envisioning an attempt to make this duration of time tend to infinity. Just as an experiment. 🙂

      I’m no cynic. I lean towards thinking things that sound impossible. As inane as trying to make ink stain itself though you consider it, in my opinion it isn’t quite AS inane as that. That’s what I wanted to convey with this.

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          1. I have to say, that does say a lot about you and about your ability to change things….when I do post, it might mean something to someone who really needs it…and you will be the catalyst for that…heck, for all I know, I need it…I’ll know once I write. By the way, thank you sooooo much for all your support…I was so surprised and uplifted when I saw how much you appreciated my posts…very generous of you 🙂

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            1. If this ability to change things positively affects even ONE person, I will be joyous. But what is great is that if you write something after having read something of mine, that is bound to touch that many more souls, and there is nothing that makes me happier. :’)

              And it has been a pleasure to read your posts, so of course I’ll appreciate them! ^_^ Good luck.

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  16. Such specificity on ambiguity! If it is speaking with you, the soul is alive and kicking. Great timely quotes. Enjoyed this post to the hilt.

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